12-5-11 My First Year

Dear Mommy,

I am almost 11 months old and I have to say this has been one heck of a year!!

I remember when I first heard your voice.  I wasn't sure what I was hearing but after listening for awhile I realized you were crying.  I was unsure why you were crying until I heard your prayers to God.  You prayed for God to let me be okay, you prayed to have God heal my heart, you prayed for God not to take me home with him.  You were soo worried about me. I didn't understand why you were soo worried because I knew everything would be okay.  God has a special plan for me.  He needed me to have surgery so I could bring everyone together.  I heard you asking everyone to pray.  I heard you say there were hundreds of people praying for me.  People who didn't know you, people who didn't know me, people who cared and loved us just because.  I tried to reassure you that I would be okay by kicking you but you would just rub where I kicked and sing me a song.  You had a special song for me.  One that you said was just my song.  You would also wrap your belly in a prayer blanket.  I want you to know that I felt the warmth from that blankets love and prayers.

I was soo excited to see you and daddy when I was born.  I wanted to see the faces to match the voices I heard.  When I saw you for the first time you and daddy were crying.  I wanted to reach up and grab your face and tell you everything would be okay but my arms wouldn't move like I wanted them to and all that came out of my mouth was a cry.  That made you smile.  I wasn't sure why but I realized that you thought I wasn't going to live and when I cried you realized I was okay.  You held me soo close.  I fell asleep instantly.

I spent the next few months enveloped in your arms.  It was the safest place I could image.  You and daddy kept talking about surgery.   You talked about Down Syndrome.  I heard you praying for a miracle healing.  You had many people pray over me.  I do not know what Down Syndrome is but I knew that I was ok and what ever you were worrying about would be ok.  I knew Gods plan for me.  I needed to have the surgery to fix my heart and I knew it needed to happen to bring everyone soo close together.  I also knew that everything would be okay.  God has a plan for me.  I am going to be someone special in the lives of everyone who knows me.  I am going to show many people what it means to love and be loved.  I was sad to see you so worried about me but I wasn't scared.  I was excited for the adventure.

When it came time for surgery.  Everyone was crying; except me.  I went with my doctors and they put me to sleep and when I woke up I had everyone around me and I had tubes sticking out of me.  I am sure I looked scary but I felt much better.  My heart wasn't working as hard and I could feel the change.  I know you never left my side.  I knew I was safe.  I saw everyone who came.  I could not believe how many people love me.  This was my new beginning.  My heart birthday!   I went to sleep and awoke many times and saw you near me each time.  I am sorry I didn't let you sleep much.  I was all thrown off schedule from the medicine they had me on.







Since my surgery we have smiled a lot.  I have a team of people who make sure I am healthy and developing the way I should.  I wish you would believe that every child doesn't grow the same way.  Please do not worry.  I will crawl, walk, and talk.  Keep believing in me and supporting my development.  I am soo lucky to be with you, daddy, my bubby, and my sissy.  I love you all soo much.  Thank you for never giving up on me.  Thank you for helping me and loving me.  I am amazed everyday at the level I am blessed.

Well...Mommy, I am getting tired.  I am going to go to bed.  I am a happy baby...because you love me....I can not wait till I can tell you I love you...for now...I will say it with my smiles...love you mommy and daddy....good night sleep tight...

Love
Ellie