We are less then 5 days away from surgery and my heart is racing every time I think about it. I am soo grateful for the skill and knowledge the doctors and surgeons have yet at the same time they are my worst nightmare and I want to run away from them screaming with Ellie in my arms. I know they are going to help her and make her better so she can live a long and happy life yet at the same time I feel like I have to protect her from them. I wish children didn't have to go through things like this. I wish I could bare this burden for her. I wish the lord would have healed her (and I know he still can) and I know he will either through the surgeons hands or before the surgery. People keep telling me she will be ok...everything is going to be alright and what a blessing...it really doesn't feel like it is going to be alright and it really doesn't feel like a blessing. It seems the closer I get to the lord and living right the more obstacles there are before me...those who know me know I haven't had the easiest life, so why does it all happen to me. I know I am blessed...I have a wonderful husband...a loving family...three beautiful children (including Ellie), a beautiful house, a job, a degree, awesome friends, and a god who loves me to the end, but this still hurts and I still want it to be better, and I still want more...I want god to fix her...I want to enjoy her...I want not to look at her and worry for her life both for the surgery and future. I can not wait until August 1, 2011 - then this will all seem like a dream - her surgery will be over and she will be healed...lord please let this be my future...please do not take her, please do not make her have to have a pace maker, please let her heal quickly with no complications....please... In Jesus name amen
Please forgive me for my lack of faith in a time of despair - thank you for your continued prayers and for loving us soo much.....
Welcome
- Faith Ashton
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We are all here to support you and pray with you in the darkest times, and we will all be with you to rejoice in the happy times to come! God will give you the strength to get through this, rely on Him and us, your family and friends. We love you Faith and we love Ellie Mae!
ReplyDeleteWhen Kelsey was 10 she went through a very serious surgery called a lingual tonsillectomy. Because of swelling, she had to be intubated and sedated for three days. There were some moments of uncertainty through it all, and at one particular point I didn't think I could take it. God highlighted a scripture in Hebrews (11:6) which helped me to realize that He was right there with Kelsey and that He had her in His hands. I just needed to take that opportunity to trust Him with her and as a result my faith was strengthened and grew. God sometimes allows difficulties in our lives and the lives of those we love to refine us and draw us closer to Him- not that He sends the hardships, but as Jesus said, "In this world you will have trouble; but be of good cheer for I have overcome the world." In other words, we can have peace through the difficult times as we put our trust in Him to bring us through them. Ellie certainly has many prayers going up for her. I will continue to join in with everyone else, believing good will come of this trial in Jesus' name. God strengthen you to endure, and give you His peace! Just be sure you understand everything that is going on with her, know what medications she will be receiving and ask lots of questions. If something bothers you, let the medical staff know that you are not certain and have them double-check charts, etc. This is your right. You will have your work cut out for you as Ellie's advocate, but that is a good thing. Being pro-active helps to give you a sense of helpfulness and keeps the medical staff on their toes. Speaking of toes, one way I really was able to connect with Kelsey despite all the tubes and wires was to rub her feet with baby lotion and sing to her. She still remembers it and sometimes asks me to do it even now!
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